Moving forward, or Walking back.

I think recently I've come to the realization that I am getting older. I know I know for those of you who are older, or younger than me you may think to yourself "24 is not old" However I am on the verge of being 25... A quarter of a century. I remember a few years back when my cousin Stephanie turned 25 and I was in my teens thinking "Why is she making such a big deal about this" I mean really other than your car insurance lowering and having the ability to rent a car on your own what really changes when you turn 25. Now, I understand.

I think it's a mindset. 25 it's the age that you are really expected to grow up and be an adult. I have made a lot of changes in my life the past two years and even though in many ways I have progressed I wonder sometimes if I am taking steps back. When I lived in Utah I was a home owner, I had 2 awesome jobs that made me extremely happy, and the freedom to travel and go or do whatever I please. Not that my ability to do or go where I want has changed but I feel frustrated with the fact that I am renting an apartment again, that even though I have an amazing job I feel as if I am living paycheck to paycheck because of the high cost of living in NYC, and that I am living a world behind all of my friends who have ventured on to bigger and better things in the world of education.

I think that all of these thoughts and feelings are somewhat irrational at times because I know that every step I am taking is a step in the right direction. I sometimes wonder if this adventure in NYC is me learning how to truly take care of myself. My parents were always a 30 minute drive or less away. I never had to worry about what I would do if I got in a car accident, or if I didn't have anyone to help me move. Family and friends were built in. It was a built in comfort zone that I am no longer lucky enough to be a part of.

After everything is said and done I do feel that everything happens for a reason. I have grown a lot as a person on my adventure in NYC. I have made friends (few but good ones), and I met an amazing man who I am lucky to spend my spare time with. He has taken me into his home and his family and I feel like I am part of something more when I am with him.

This blog has jumped a little from place to place but it's an idea of all the things I have running through my mind now. I hope that reading it has been slightly enjoyable and I will hopefully be back with more interesting thoughts soon!